Sabbath Day Musings...

Another week ends, another begins right on the tail. That is the truth about time, isn't it? No matter how much we try to slow it down, stop it, or try and hang on to it, the next seconds comes and goes before we even know it happened.

This marks my last official week on staff at First Baptist Oak Grove. When I was offered this internship, sitting there with Cassie in the orchestra practice, watching Dr. Waters lead, I never imagined what the offer that Dr. Hicks was giving me would hold. At the most, I pictured a nice little country church, the generic type with a nice little steeple and cute ushers at the door that will greet you with fake smiles and a half-hearted handshake. I imagined sitting there each week, watching the same routine over and over, wondering why Americans even get up each Sunday morning to even do this "Christian" thing. I wondered how guilty I would feel when I watch the offering plates pass by and I fail to put anything in.

God has a funny way of looking at our finite imaginations and blowing them apart. He then brings the pieces together to create a puzzle that is both mysterious and beautiful. He brought me into a dysfunctional family of sinners. A family of mothers, fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, youth and children... all marred with the pain of sin. But through the pain showed life, a light that pervaded all my preconceived notions....

Coming into the summer I realized that I had become quite a cynic. The world was screwed up, and I felt like I was turning into the storybook villain that wants to shake up the comfort and complacency, and force people to start looking at their lives in respect to God. But as the summer went on, and those that God surrounded me with at the church began to break down the walls I had built around myself to keep out the crazy, insane world around me.

It's hard to be a part of a world that constantly wants to blow itself up. It's hard to call yourself a Christian when the most driven in value is hate for those who wrong you, who differ from you, who threaten you and want you to change how you live, how you think, how you act.

Jesus did that. He still does that. I think that is why it is so hard to follow Him without straying. He calls us to a life that goes against what our body, what our soul thinks is correct and true.

Wow. I got off of subject. A lot.

Anyway... one more week of internship... I'm excited what God is going to do with the ending here, and see what He wants me to leave the church, and what the next month holds, as I leave one life and prepare to return to another. Another life with a new outlook and hope.

Amen.

Jesus, You Are Wrecking My Life...

(Originally written on June 17, 2008)

Thats right, my life. Everything that I have ever dreamed and hoped for, all the plans that I had made for my future, everything that I held so dear. I can only sit by and watch it all fall down around me and become dust at my feet. I kneel down and try to pick it up… try to stick the grains back together with the water that falls from my eyes… yet the crude sand castle I try and create only falls apart.

I never asked for this.

Or did I?

That night… that night at the restaurant. Sitting there with my head bowed and my eyes shut. Praying that prayer that I can still remember, asking You to come into my life and make me new. I had no idea what I was saying… I didn’t truly know what lay ahead. I just knew that there was something more out there and that I wanted the life that I saw in my friends. I wanted the happiness that they had. I wanted the comfort and trust that they seemed to have, knowing that everything was alright and that there was a purpose to this life.

Is this the happiness I asked for?

Because for some reason I feel as miserable as I did back then. Yet it is a different misery. Instead of the constant wonders and doubts that assailed me everyday, constantly asking myself if there was any purpose to this life, if there was even a reason to go on, now I know the truth. And boy did that truth set me free. That truth set me free from a life of wandering in the darkness… to a world alive in You. Your light shining on all things, and showing me that there truly are paths to take. There seem to be about a thousand paths, in every direction, each pulling on me, telling me that this is the way to go, that this life is the one I want to have.

The loudest path is the one that leads to the city. It is a large path, and it is paved with the sorrow and misery of those who have already taken it. It is long and wide, yet somehow seems so suffocating. But far in the end I can see it! The life that my heart dreamed of! Cars of every make and model. A beautiful house with a pool and a view of the ocean, all surrounded by a white picket fence. A beautiful woman and a couple of cute kids and a dog, all waving and motioning me to come to them. Next to the house is the office, where a beautiful secretary stands with a suitcase full of money and several plaques showing my name and the word “CEO” in big bold letters. Blood red letters. My heart jumps at the sight. I want that. I want that life… the success and happiness is all I have ever dreamed of. All I have ever worked for. My entire life up to this point has been training to walk into this life ready to be happy.

I take a step forward… and begin to walk the path. After a few steps I begin to pick up the pace, at first a jog, then a full out sprint. Yet for some reason the harder I push, the further away the end seems to be. Suddenly the picture in the distance begins to change. I watch as barrels of oil and gasoline begin to fall down the path ahead, spilling their contents onto everything in their path. I get pushed aside as men and women run down past me, waving their hands and throwing what appears to be money into the air. They chase the barrels into the distance, toward the office building. Suddenly there is a loud explosion, as if the world around me was imploding, and a cloud of dust billows into the air. The office building has been gutted by what appears to be tanks… and soldiers bearing all different flags and insignias rush into the fray of people chasing after the oil and gasoline. Fires erupt everywhere, sparked by the gas that lines the street… and suddenly the multi-million dollar dream home goes up in flames. As the house begins to burn, the family continues to stare at me, waving and smiling. The fire begins to approach them. NO! I cry, and begin to run towards them, hoping to get them to realize the severity of their situation and get to safety. But I cannot reach them, for as I begin to run, I am held back by a force I cannot explain. I watch as the entire scene burns into a towering inferno, and the streets begin to run red with blood. The American dream realized. A futile chase indeed.

I fall to my knees in anguish, weeping as I realize that I cannot have what I most dearly wanted. It feels as though I have been ripped apart. This is unfair, I cry out to no one. Why can’t I just be happy?

It feels as though there are hands upon my shoulders. I warmth and comfort I cannot explain holds me still, and I am awestruck as the tears are wiped from my eyes. A hand grabs mine, and pulls me up. Then I look behind me. There lies another path. This path is very narrow, and there is nothing at the end except a door. None of the treasures that awaited at the end of the path I was trying to follow. But with that path ending in destruction, I have no choice but to take a chance at this one. The end is not clear, but I walk anyway.

Surprisingly, this path is easier. The door at the end approaches, and as I walk towards it, my hand is drawn to the handle in anticipation as to what may lie behind it. As I begin to turn the handle, terror grips me and I let go, as though the handle was hot to the touch. But a voice whispers in my ear… no, not my ear, my heart. Go ahead… open the door and walk into the life I have set out for you. I open the door, and am taken back by a blinding light. I hesitate. Don’t worry, I’m right behind you. I step forward, walk into the light…

It is now 1:45 AM. Almost four years have passed since I prayed and asked Christ to come into my life. I am still walking through that door. What lies beyond it? A picture cannot explain. Mere words cannot explain. It is a life that I have found in the smiles of those that surround me. The love of a mother and father. The joy that is found when you are in love. Your first kiss. Your favorite food. Times that we laugh and cry. Family reunions and birthday parties. Church camp and high school. Baby showers and funerals.

As I experience life everyday, I find that that which makes me happy is not in the things I own, or the number that appears in my bank statement each month. It isn’t in the names on the clothes in my closet or the celebrities that appear on television. My happiness now comes from knowing my purpose. What is my purpose? I couldn’t tell you, because at this point, I’m honestly not quite sure.

But I can tell you this. Life is in people. We were created to be a community and to be lovers of each other. Go put a sprinkler out in the yard for a bunch of neighborhood kids. Sing in the church choir. Buy lemonade from kids on the street. Trade stories with your grandparents. Buy a candy bars from boy scouts and then give them one or two. Build a house of cards and wreck it. Go buy a cup of coffee and tip the waitress 300 percent. Heck, a thousand percent if you have the money. Climb up on the roof, jump out of trees, jump from the cliff and dive into the water.

Go out and live. Then YOU can tell me what the purpose of all this is.

The Heart Of Worship

(Originally written on March 8, 2008)

“And here’s a cool God moment. During the song Center i couldn’t sing it because it hadn’t been true of my life at late and so I just spent that song in repentance and prayer. and then at then at the end the Bridge said “majesty! Finally!” and it reminded me of that passage in John 16 when Jesus says “Finally, you believe!”"

Reminds me why I do what I love to do. Leading worship has been a huge part of my walk as of late, and God has graciously allowed opportunities for me to be in front of his people, and help lead myself and the people around me to God. But even more than praying that those singing around me meet God, each time I lead God draws me into Him… shows me something I had never seen or thought before. Shows you that when you think you have it all figured out, you are barely scratching the surface of life… Music. If there is one thing all people around the world can agree on, it’s that music has always invaded every part of every culture.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote that first paragraph about 4 months ago. Yet somehow I never seemed to finish it. Why didn’t I ever seem to return and put the rest of the story on here? Perhaps it was because I did not have the words that I needed to express my feelings. Entering into Gods presence…sitting at God’s throne has a weird way of doing that to a person. The feelings we get when we are in tune with the song God is singing in our lives tend to be so powerful, so absorbing, that putting language - an often flawed attempt at human communication - to it does not do it justice. It never can. All we can do is hope to begin to scratch the surface of the endless expanse of God’s throne, and then try to express it to others.

Higher Ground began. My life changed. For the first time in a long time, I feel that I have entered into God’s presence again, and it is beautiful. The ministry is beautiful, and it is relevant. As Jesus said - “The harvest if full, the workers few.” I really wish I could tell you all of my thought processes lately. The dreams, desires, fears and pains that have pierced my heart and soul have almost been too much to bear. Honestly, I’m exhausted. Luckily, I can lay down at night and know that God will wake me up in the morning again to His glory, and that He is bringing me back to life again.

The faces. The faces I see as I see people worship may be what draws me to it. Or perhaps it is the stories. Then again, maybe it’s the tears. The tears of joy as God reaches through the boundaries and breaks down the walls, and reaches the sinner’s heart. The Spirit flowing during open and honest worship has a way of bringing out the broken hearts in people. When you hear that story of the unsaved father, of the suicide victim, of the ongoing physical abuse - God begins to place upon your heart a longing to love on that person. To show them that unconditional love, let them know that they are not alone - that God is right there with them. Worship has that power. God has that power.

I feel like a disciple much of the time. I get it. I don’t. I get it. I don’t. All the while Jesus continues to say “Don’t you get it? I came here to SAVE YOUR LIFE! NOW LIVE!” I feel as though I have been running from Him, running in fear that I do not have the ability to do what my heart desires. I feel like I spend more time crying out for forgiveness and guidance than actually thanking Him for what He has already done.

I want to bring joy.

I want to be used by God.

I want to glorify God with my whole life.

When did surrendering it all become so difficult?

The song goes on…

Like A Child

December 30, 2007 • No Comments (Edit)

Growing up.

It happens. To everyone at some point in their lives. At some point we all end up looking into that mirror of life and realizing that we aren’t 10 years old anymore… We come to the realization that we don’t have the time to take 3 hour naps whenever we feel tired. That we are responsible for finding clothes and dressing ourselves. That when we spill the milk or fall down… there isn’t always going to be a mom or dad to pick us up and mop up the mess for us. That when I walk down the aisle at the store, and the newest glittery “thing” catches my eye, I say “I want that!” outloud… but no one is there to say “Okay… we can get it.”

Scary thought, right?

Society puts so much stress on “growing up”. Remember those old diaper commercials that show the little kid with the high-tech diaper? And all the while there is the little jingle in the background - “I’m-a-big-kid-now!” The thought in my head used to be “When I’m 13, and an adult, I’m gonna do this… I’m gonna cure this…” Yet here I am, 5 years past that change-the-world deadline, and what have I accomplished? Nothing much but accrue quite a bit of debt.

Why do we wish away our childhood?

I spent last saturday with one of the most simple people I know. He has no debt, no self-esteem problems, doesn’t worry about his weight, doesn’t keep up with the latest gossip and news. Politics do not sway him, terrorism doesn’t scare him, risks do not stop him. If he sees what he wants… He goes and gets it, no matter the consequence or worth to himself. And he does it all, everyday, with a smile. And he’s been at it for three years now.

Ah, I mean three and a half years. Excuse me.

Spending the day with my little cousin Jack opened my eyes to life. Life untainted by greed, fear, and pride. This little guy has two basic needs - food and love. And the most amazing part of it is - He doesn’t worry about where he is going to get it from next. He expects it without doubt. He knows that his mommy and daddy are going to be there for him, no matter what. He knows that he need merely to say one garbled word - and they will be there in an instant to sweep him into their arms and give him whatever needs, no strings attached.

Sound familiar? It should. Lets take a look real quick…

Mark 10: 13 - 16

And they were bringing children to Him so that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked them But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, “Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. “Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.

Once again… God paints us a beautiful picture of life through His son Jesus. Imagine the picture - Jesus Christ, sitting there surrounded by his disciples. Sitting in front of Jesus, hanging on his every word - people of the town or village where He is hanging out, people who have been following him from town to town - all sitting and waiting for the next miracle or miraculous lesson Jesus will teach them. As they are waiting, people begin to bring their children to Jesus, seeking His blessing. Now, if you are like me, you know that kids can be quite a nuisance at times… especially when you are trying to focus on something that you find important, or have given something up to see. (Ever been interrupted at a movie or concert by a baby crying? Then you know where I’m coming from.)

As the disciples get up to tell the people with the children to go away for the time being, Jesus sees this and interrupts them, telling them all that the children deserve heaven more than any person in attendance at that time. He literally tells the people that unless they become like these tiny children, they will have no hope of entering heaven. Now I know people who spend their entire lives trying to understand exactly what Jesus meant in His teachings, but I think the message is quite simple here.

Unless we, as self-proclaimed “believers” in Christ, become like the small children we see around us everyday, we will have NO chance at entering heaven. Jesus says this. Its pretty dang clear. No fuzzy edges, no metaphors or hidden meanings. Become like children. This commandeth Me-eth.

Now, I’m certainly not going to go grab my bib and pacifier, and begin to lay around waiting for someone to take care of me. I believe that Christ calls us to the deepest point of faith of all in this lesson. Have faith. Complete faith. Have fun in this life - knowing full well that at the simplest whine from our lips, God will be there to lift us up. He will always teach us lessons, and we may get boo-boos, but Christ will always lift us up in His arms and kiss it until its better.

And as I sat around playing with Jack that day, I began to realize that truth. He didn’t even know me very well. For all he knows, I could have been a mean bad guy. But that was no matter to him, I was willing to play with him. I was willing to enjoy pure joy with him, and he held nothing back. He wanted me to enjoy life with him, to have fun knowing that there is nothing to worry about, nothing to fear, because as soon as something scary happens, Dad will be there to make it go away.

I want to have that kind of faith. I want to be able to wake up each morning, not worrying about what I will do, what I will wear, what I will eat, and simply accept that God is taking care of everything. I want to have such a deep longing for Him, that no matter what, I will never miss a chance to cling to Dad. I want to be just like my dad.

Thats my prayer. For you and me.

Thanks for listening.

God bless

Answering The Call

(Originally written on December 7, 2007)

“So Brad, when did you know that you were called into the ministry?”

That was the question that I was faced with Sunday morning. The morning’s topic in the college ministry Sunday school class was the Will of God.. that force that drives and guides our lives. As I sat there, I glanced at the paper before me in boredom. I knew all of this already… I know that God is perfect, God is my creator, God is my shepherd, and whatever His Will is for me will be perfect and true… and will come to fruition as time goes on. I knew that… I trusted that.

Then why was I silent when that question was asked of me? Why couldn’t I just blurt out, “Oh, well, I knew I was called to the ministry on such and such date, God really set on my heart a longing for so and so and this place and that place… I mean, I’m at this college because I want to be surrounded by those in the ministry, right?

Then why weren’t the words coming out of my mouth?

I have always loved music. It is that one unifying element of life that connects all things. It is a unbelievably strong force, having the ability to mold and change our mood and feelings depending on how we perceive it. Now, some may claim to like rock music, others country, and still some others Gregorian chants - yet it is undeniable that all people, all creation loves music. We sing, birds call, the wind rustles, all things move and sway together in one beautiful, harmonious chorus to create the sound of life. Music is written into the hearts of all creation. To take a word from Rob Bell, the Christian faith can even be compared to song, to a melody that moves, changes, is alive. Something that all people can take a part in, that all things can add onto, until everything in life is caught up in the beauty of the song. It is a beauty that transcends all understanding….

Kind of like another Guy I know…

As I have grown up, I have been in love with this song. At times I had no idea I was taking part, but I was always listening. It wasn’t until three years ago that I found the true meaning of the song, the true beauty of life that it brings to all things. This gift of song is a force that no government, no law, no evil can put a stop to. Who can silence a song that is being sung in the heart of a person?

The song has become a bit of a commercialized item in this world, but it’s still there. No matter how many spins, crescendos, accidentals or accents we add to it, it is always growing, always moving in people’s hearts and minds. But it isn’t until one comes to Christ that they become completely in tune with that song. Not until one comes to the maker, the One who is constantly composing the song, can the song be fully understood…. and perhaps it cannot be fully understood at all. But sometimes it is merely enjoying and singing along with a song that completes us, that gives us life that makes the song beautiful.

I want to bring people that song. I want to use my gifts that God has allowed me to borrow from Him to bring others to sing the same song I am singing. I want to go to the ends of the earth, and teach every person of every tribe and every nation how they can sing the song of life. Christ’s song. You do not have to be a philosopher or a theological expert to sing praises to God. You merely have to breathe, and let it come out.

And thats when I realized it.

That’s when I was called to the ministry. The moment I opened my mouth to sing the song of life.

Thanks for listening. God Bless.

Life As It Stands...

(Originally written on November 18, 2007)


I’m a little worried. Coming back home this week from college has been a bit of a reality check for me. Only eighteen years old, but I feel so much older. I feel as though life is quickly passing my by, that sometimes the only sure thing in life is that time will pass. As I’ve looked around, people that I thought were such little kids are growing up, becoming adult men and women. Parents are looking older.The seasons are changing. The television shows a world that I don’t know. Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. It feels like everything I’ve ever known is changing, and I’m helpless to stop it. Or maybe I’m changing. Looking back on what all has happened through the last few years is amazing. I’ve taken so many turns, made so many choices that have developed me into the person I am today. I can’t say that I am disappointed in where I am in this journey, but I can feel in my very center that I have yet to become the man God has ordained me to be. It feels that as hard as I try to become that man, the further and further I get from it.Or maybe I’m getting closer and closer, and the trials are getting harder and harder. Who really knows anymore.I want to be a man like David. A man after God’s own heart, a man who was not perfect, but never gave up his hope in his King. He tried and tried so many times to get it right, to hit the mark, but continually fell to the side. But even facing certain death at the hands of his enemies and sometimes even his friends, he always praised God. PRAISED Him, the one who put David in the position that he was in. How does it look to have an unwavering faith like that?It looks beautiful. I want my life to look like that. But it seems that no matter how much I try to take on that faith, I get so very close, yet fall so very short.As they say, close is only good in horseshoes, hand grenades, and government work. Nowhere in there is the Christian’s walk. God calls us to be men and women of virtue. Of unwavering faith and commitment. Christ’s life gives us an example of what that life looks like, even in the midst of betrayel and certian death. God calls us this standard. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect. But he does expect us to pefect at trying. Of course we fall. Of course we screw it all up. But without these things in our lives, where would that feeling of salvation and love and acceptance come from? Would we really need love from God if we never screwed up? Life is hell, but it sure is beautiful.Amen